Posts Tagged ‘fluid’

On Coming Out Day, I stayed inside

The Invisible Bisexual is a new contributor on my blog.  She is a real person, sharing honest comments about her experiences as a closeted bisexual.  ~Loraine Hutchins

The Invisible Bisexual

I’m so confused, but it’s not because I’m bisexual.

It’s this heated debate among the LGBTQ demographic about the use of the word “bisexual” that makes my head hurt.  This is supposed to be my “community” of allies, yet the stigma against bisexuality is still so strong that many continue to shun the Bi “label” (even many bisexuals) while trying to justify it with twisted logic and semantic gymnastics.

“It’s too binary,” they insist.  What kind of criticism is that?  We live in a binary world: female/male, yin/yang, gay/straight or the numbers 1/0 used for computing, for example.  They claim the word “bisexual” offends and excludes those who want to define themselves with some other label like queer, fluid or pansexual, and that it erases transgender people.  Never mind that transgender and bisexuality mean two different things: gender identity and sexual orientation.  And many trans people identify as bisexual.

If these Bi re-branders were honest, they’d have to admit that they don’t want to identify as bisexual because they don’t want to attract the painful stigma attached to bisexuals by both gay and straight people.  Could this be internalized biphobia? 

 If these Bi re-branders were honest, they’d have to admit that they don’t want to identify as bisexual because they don’t want to attract the painful stigma attached to bisexuals by both gay and straight people.

Statistically, bisexuals represent about half of the LGBTQ demographic.  But instead supporting bisexual pride with the majority of members among our LGBTQ cohort, many of our queer community continue to erase, conflate, obfuscate and denigrate bisexuality.

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is a good example with its 40 years of Bi erasure.  This year on the 15th Annual Celebrate Bisexuality Day (September 23, 2014), NGLTF posted an anti-bi blog by Evangeline Weiss, their Leadership Programs Director.  Could this be institutional biphobia?

Weiss wrote, “…My gender non-conforming, queer and/or genderqueer lovers, colleagues, and friends often feel trapped by the prison of the binary way our language designates gender.  So I’ve made a decision. I’m no longer going to lift up and claim a concept painful to others as part of my identity…I’m ready to say bye bye to the word bisexuality.”  Please stop conflating gender identity and sexual orientation, I want to scream!  Even worse, her comments were illustrated by an image of a button that lists “Gay, Straight or Wibbly-Wobbly Sexy-Wexy” as choices.  WTF? 

I’d like to feel respected and supported as a bisexual by all queer rights organizations.

What in these comments supports bisexual awareness or celebrates Bi pride? The button certainly conveys the stigma directed at bisexuals as being lascivious, over-sexed and confused. I’m so offended!  This is why I choose to remain invisible and stay in the closet.  Sadly, this kind of warped reasoning is not surprising coming from an employee of a 40-year-old gay rights organization that had yet to change its name to reflect approximately 50% of the people it purports to represent.

However, after this recent slap in our face, NGLTF has made some progress.  The Task Force waited until after Celebrate Bisexuality Day to announce it had changed its name to “National LGBTQ Task Force.”  Well, isn’t that nice?  But I have to ask, ‘How about owning your years of Bi erasure and your biphobia?  How about an apology?’  Hell, I’d be happy to see some advocacy and articles about bisexuality on the Task Force homepage.  I’d like to feel respected and supported as a bisexual by all queer rights organizations.

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Posted on October 13th, 2014 by The Invisible Bisexual

BECAUSE Brings Bisexuals Together

Surround me with a few hundred bisexuals for a whole weekend, and I relax like I haven’t in a long time, feeling empowered and supported.  Even after all these years as an out bisexual, being with so many bi comrades who understand our unique challenges and care about our community is still a rare experience.  But if Keynoter ABilly Jones-Hennin hadn’t launched a full-on campaign to convince me to go with him, I would have missed out on this inspiring gathering of my peers.

ABilly Jones-Hennin and Dr. Loraine Hutchins taking a break at BECAUSE in Minneapolis. (June 2014)

The last time I attended BECAUSE (Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, Supportive Experience) was soon after the 1991 publication of “Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out,” the bi anthology Lani Ka’ahumanu and I co-edited, which includes ABilly’s coming out story.  The love, respect and understanding I received at BECAUSE, both then and this year, were profoundly encouraging.  The stigma that’s all too often projected onto bisexuals takes a disheartening toll.  This is all the more reason why the Bisexual Organizing Project’s annual gathering is such a treasure.

BECAUSE 2014 was held on June 6-9, at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.  The conference featured presentations on media representations of bisexuality; health care; the state of the bi movement, intersecting identities; bi visibility; sexual violence; aging; bi arts and literature; and the publishing industry.  There were workshops, panels, plenary sessions, a theater performance, various social activities, even a bi items gift shop.  I met young filmmakers, playwrights, bloggers, rappers, student activists, elder caregivers, parents, teachers, scientists, artists, secretaries, and cashiers—all kinds of bi and bi-friendly human beings.

ABilly is among the elder vanguard of the LGBT movement in the United States, and he had much wisdom to share in his keynote address.  He is someone who can organize a bathroom line at a crowded movie theater, a line of non-violent resisters at a demonstration, or a rope line at the White House with equal aplomb.  Originally from Antigua, West Indies, this month he will celebrate a 36-year, same-gender-loving relationship with his bi partner, Christopher Hennin.

Among his many accomplishments, my longtime friend co-founded Gay Married Men (GAMMA), the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays (NCBLG), and several other gay and human service organizations.  In the late 70s, he helped mobilize the first national March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights, convened the first conference of Third World Lesbians and Gays at Howard University, and led the first African-American gay delegation to the White House.  His recent essay about himself and his father will be published this fall in “RECOGNIZE,” a new anthology on bi men.

ABilly flashback

The merry twinkle in ABilly’s eyes first caught my attention at the Washington DC Runaway House when he walked into our tiny basement office in Dupont Circle to interview for a youth counselor position in the mid-70s.  His experience as a devoted father and a compassionate human rights activist were just what our young clients needed. He eventually became director of the program.  Since that time, we’ve been serving our communities and instigating political action together for almost 40 years, inspiring and mentoring each other along the way.

This year, I was honored to introduce ABilly to the conference attendees, most of whom were meeting him for the first time. Who better to epitomize BECAUSE values? This 72-year-old great granddad exemplifies loyalty and caring, inspiring many by his brave and steadfast love for his partner and their blended, inter-connected family. He’s a quietly persistent instigator who sticks up for seniors, homeless people, prisoners, refugees and workers. ABilly’s big arms embrace us all. He makes everyone feel like family.  Just because.

With Haddayr Copley-Woods, a great photographer and one of the energetic conference volunteers.
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Posted on June 18th, 2014 by Loraine Hutchins

Frank Ocean’s Fluidities

News of the the recent media splash made by musical artist Frank Ocean’s disclosure about his attraction to more than one gender came to me by way of my friend and co-editor, Herukhuti.  In an article for BiMagazine.org, Herukhuti wrote,

 “In 2012, some folks find it more provocative that a black man has loved another man than if he had done violence against one.” 

Dr. H. Sharif Williams or Herukhuti.

Herukhuti also noted that in a recent journal entry, “…Ocean eloquently explores his experience of love toward/with/for an undisclosed man…Media sources have alleged that the self-disclosure was precipitated by a music reviewer noting instances in Ocean’s forthcoming debut studio album in which the singer/songwriter uses male pronouns in expressing love and Eros toward someone.”

It takes a lot of courage for a man to be so honest, but it’s especially impressive that Ocean chose to go public about his fluidity when his debut album, Channel Orange, was just released.

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Posted on July 13th, 2012 by Loraine Hutchins

Bisexuals in the (White) House…?!

As he’s done since 2009, President Obama hosted an LGBT Pride Month reception at the White House. No matter how impressive the crowd or upscale the venue, five hundred sweaty, fancy-dressed people standing around in uncomfortable shoes is just not my cuppa tea. But that doesn’t interfere with my vicarious joy of watching friends and colleagues relish the ceremonial high drama of this special event. Being invited to the White House is a very big deal, whether for a state dinner, a reception or a meeting, and this year’s reception included the largest bisexual contingent ever.

L-R: Regina Reinhardt, Morgan Goode, Emily Drennen, LindaSusan Ulrich holding RJ, Lauren Beach, Chiquita Violette, Estraven, Denise Penn

At the 2012 White House Pride reception, bisexuals were represented by a married couple, Emily Drennen and LindaSusan Ulrich, from San Francisco with their eight-week-old foster son;  two current BiNet USA board members, Chiquita Violette and Morgan Goode; Midwestern bi organizer, Lauren Beach; Westchester County NY bi discussion group leader, Estraven; and two longtime southern California bi activists from the board of the American Institute of Bisexuality; Denise Penn and Regina Reinhardt. You can read more about this great group of bi activists in Amy Andre’s Huffington Post piece, “Bi Activists in the White House.”

Continue reading Bisexuals in the (White) House…?!

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Posted on June 20th, 2012 by Loraine Hutchins